The Itchingness always spreads ITCHFEST! 2006
by xDeadlyDiseasex
Summary: Its a sequel to 'Strange love makes me itchy' Zombies, gay jokes, HIPPIES AND TRANSVESTITES WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT? Okay fine i cant cook muffins im sorry none of those but Itachi's in a dress! Did i mention a black baby? WELL THERE IS!
1. Big Birtha land ho bitch

OMG I MADE A SEQUEL

Love me and since I already did this story before I WANT MORE REVIEWS!

Ya you heard me don't ignore push the purple button after your done reading that's it its not like you have to wipe yourself after peeing NO THIS IS MUCH SIMPLIER

Don't worry ill take all the blame for handing out the crack

READ-N-REVIEW

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'YEAR LATER' 

"Oh my god I think im pregnant, yeah."

"Shut up hoe your not pregnant you're a guy so quit being a pansy."

Deidara pouted "Im not Sakura im serious I think im pregnant, yeah!"

Sakura sighed and lifted up Deidara's shirt to see a small bulge, its nothing not even anorexic girls would be overdramatic about something like this.

"You're not pregnant your only using it as an excuse because you've been sneaking those extra serving of cakes." Tobi said in a matter-of-fact tone

Sakura nodded "Now sit by me fatty so I can resume eating my toast."

Deidara sat beside her on the dining room table in the kitchen with Kisame, Tobi, and Itachi.

"If im so fat then why don't you just break up with me then, yeah?"

Sakura took a bite out of toast "Because you're a sexy fat guy."

Kisame whipped his mouth before saying "You two are a perfect match then both of you are fat."

Sakura's jaw dropped "Im NOT FAT!"

Just then the leader walked in and glared at everyone sitting at the table "Okay who told Sakura she was fat? I thought I told you not to tell her she can be so emotional."

Sakura's eye twitched and threw pancakes at leader "IM NOT FAT!!!"

Itachi shook his head then turned to Kisame "How sad the first stage of getting fat is denial."

Sakura huffed and crossed her arms "You guys suck."

Sakura got up and left the kitchen, but came back and got her toast then going into her shared room with Deidara trailing behind her.

Once when Sakura came in she saw the fat squirrel that used to stalker her bolt out the window.

Sakura turned to Mini P "What the heck was he doing here?" Mini P just made bubbles with it's mouth "Oh I see I knew it I knew you were a whore! You just have that face!"

Mini P swam to the top eating his rainbow flakes while Sakura shook her head "Great my mino's a whore."

Sakura laid on the king sized bed and finished eating her toast.

Deidara sat beside her and ran his hands through her hair "Its okay you're not fat, yeah"

Sakura nodded and smiled "I know but Tobi and Itachi will feel bad about making me 'upset' and they'll go buy me stuff."

Deidara snickered oh how his lovely lover is so devious.

Deidara straddled her hips and gave a perverted smirk "Well then why don't we start off where we were before breakfast yeah."

Sakura mimicked his smirk and ran her hands under his shirt it would've come off too if it wasn't interrupted by loud knocking.

"Hey Sakura, Deidara stop having butt sex and get down here we got a mission."

Sakura sighed and cursed Kisame to be trapped within Lee's mind forever.

Sakura tried to get up only to have Deidara push her back down.

Deidara willged his eyebrows suggestively, but reluctantly Sakura pushed him off of her making him fall off of bed and hit his head on the ground.

Sakura squatted in front of Deidara who was sitting cross-legged rubbing his head, Sakura kissed his nose lightly and stood up and waited by the doorframe for Deidara to hurry up.

Once when Sakura and Deidara got down in the living room everyone was there.

"About time you two what were you doing experimenting with chocolate syrup."

Sakura put on her Akatsuki cloak while saying "Nope today was whip cream and chocolate sundae ice cream."

Kisame's eye twitched "Why must you defile good food!"

Itachi coughed "Anyway, what is this mission about?"

Leader nodded his head "There's ninjas spotted in our territory drive them out Itachi and Kisame take north, Tobi and Goro take south;

And of course Deidara and Sakura take west."

**(I had them go west becuz that's my last name! Its true not even a joke plus goro is gonna be my very own made up Akatsuki member YAY!)**

Deidara and Sakura were traveling west when they came in contact with three people they thought they'd never see again.

"SAKURA-CHAN IS THAT YOU!?"

"Naruto, Kakashi, and Sasuke! What're you doing here?"

Sasuke glared at Sakura "What're you doing with Akatsuki."

Kakashi put a hand on Sasuke's shoulder calming him down while saying "Sakura we thought you died, there was no sign of your body or anything."

Sakura shook her head "Nope not dead learning how to live life to it's fullest."

Deidara smirked "That and getting laid, yeah."

Sasuke glared at Deidara before coming up to Sakura and taking her hand "Don't worry sweet Cherry Blossom im here to save you, I know you still want me"

Sakura shook her hand away quickly and jumped a few feet away from him to get distance "Eww you're right I WANT YOU TO GO AWAY! Infact I want all of you to go away so I can get back to the base and go to bed."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow "But it's twelve in the morning."

Deidara smirked and put his hands around Sakura's waist "Who said we were sleeping in bed, yeah."

Sasuke glared at Sakura "You traitor."

Sakura's jaw dropped and pointed an accusing finger at Sasuke "Me traitor at least I didn't go with a gay guy just to get butt raped, and anyways what are you doing here you're suppose to be dead!"

"He was suppose to be but we found him near death but alive." Naruto said still confused about the whole thing.

Sakura nodded her head in understanding.

Just then there was rustling in the leaves one moron fell face first in dirt while the other two walked out of the woods calmly.

"Itachi, I'll kill you!" Of course Sasuke.

Tobi and Itachi walked out of the bushes while Kisame was the dumbass that fell.

Sakura rubbed the back of her head sheepishly smiling at her three companions "Think you three can handle them me and Deidara wanna get to base before the surprise party."

Itachi nodded his head "What surprise party?"

Sakura looked over her shoulder and smiled "Don't be so silly the surprise party that's suppose to be a surprise!"

Kisame and Tobi sweat dropped.

Deidara and Sakura were jumping tree branch to tree branch when Deidara asked, "So who's the party for, yeah?"

Sakura shrugged "I just want to have a reason to drink until I puke or pass out maybe both."

Deidara nodded in understanding and resumed leaping.

Sakura then thought of something "Hey Fuzzy-chan what's the date."

"October fifth its gonna get cold soon, yeah"

Sakura's eyes widen "Oh shit."

Sakura then made hand seals and poofed off.

Deidara looked around franticly "Where'd you go, yeah? Sakura-chan damnit, yeah."

Deidara made hand seals also and poofed off after Sakura.

Sakura was in the bathroom she quickly pulled down her pants and her underwear.

Looking for blood on them she always started on the third and if it was the fifth like Deidara said then she would be two days late on her period.

No Blood.

Sakura began to panic then concentrating chakra in her hand she put it on her stomach confirming that there was another life nesting in there and she was pretty sure it wasn't the sushi she had yesterday.

"Uh oh"

There was knocking on the door "Uh oh what are you okay Sakura, yeah?"

Sakura turned towards the door and said "Yeah, im okay I just dropped my pet rock in the toilet."

She heard Deidara ran his hands through his hair "Again im not buying you another one, yeah."

There was silence until "Deidara…"

"Yeah"

"You were joking about not going to buy me another pet rock… right?"

Deidara sighed, "Fine ill buy you another one but THIS IS THE LAST ONE, yeah."

Sakura grinned and pulled up her pants walking out the door "Shweet."

Then Tobi came up "Everyone is in the living room talking except for leader saying if you came in there he was afraid stupidness was contagious."

Sakura pouted, "Stupidness is not contagious you're born with it. Insensitive jerk."

All three walked down the living room seeing only Itachi and Kisame.

"Hey where's Goro?"

Everyone shrugged Sakura began searching with Deidara after two seconds of searching they came back to the living room.

"It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, yeah"

Sakura snorted "More like a cow in a barn."

Kisame snorted and made a circle by curving his fingers on his right hand and using it like a telescope.

"I think you need a bigger telescope, yeah."

Kisame then made a bigger circle using both hands Sakura smirked saying "BIGGER!"

Kisame used his arms to be the top of the telescope and his legs to be the bottom.

Everyone burst out laughing except for Itachi who smirked a little.

Sakura looked under the couch and then under the rug "Ahh I like saying land ho when I see him but I cant find the bitch!"

Goro then walked in, he was a big set guy a buzz cut, dark brown hair and beady black eyes.

HE WAS HUGE!

Sorry he'd even put Chouji's family to shame.

Sakura made a dramatic pose like the one Chinese guy on Godzilla "It's Big Birtha!"

Goro eyed Sakura weirdly before saying "Atleast im not pregnant."

Sakura pouted before saying "Ya well at least im not… SHhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssSSSSSssssssssssSsssssssss"

Everyone stared at Sakura as if she was on dope; Sakura shrugged "I lost train of thought."

Sakura screeched loudly Deidara being overprotected asked, "What is it, yeah?"

"Oh no my friend Ai is signing up for the Philopeno's Palace today and I forgot!"

Kisame raised an eyebrow "Your friends a hooker?"

"Not a hooker a massage therapist."

Kisame snorted, "Ya massage your cock for money is a hooker."

Sakura pointed an accusing finger at Kisame "You're a hooker!"

Everyone sweat dropped except for Itachi as he said, "You're pregnant."

Sakura looked at him blank "Im what?"

"Pregnant"

"Omg I am!"

"Are you?"

"I don't know am I?"

"Im asking you that."

"Asking me what?"

"If you pregnant."

Sakura gasped and pointed an accusing finger at Itachi "How'd you find out!"

Deidara gasped "Your pregnant!"

Sakura looked at him and smiled sheepishly Tobi had stars in his eyes "is it a boy or girl!"

Sakura shrugged "I only found out like twenty seconds ago."

Leader then came out "Found out what?"

"That your daughter and employee Deidara are having sex and now one of them is knocked up."

Leader looked at Sakura disappointedly "You got Deidara knocked up! He was a good worker now because of you he can't work for eight months!"

Sakura whacked him on the head with a stick that had 'Made in Narnia bitch' carved into it "No beka im pregnant!"

Leader rubbed his head and grinned at Deidara "Way to go you got her knocked up" Leader sighed dramatically before saying "You know after I got Sakura's grandma knocked up with her dad I got into an accident now I cant even rip an ant."

Sakura's eye twitched "You guys should be kicked HARD!"

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DUN DUN DUN Sasuke's back and after sakura

Sakura's pregnant

Leader lost his penis

Deidara needs to buy a pet rock

And when will Aslan get back his stick!?

Do you want me to put a LEMON in next chapter?

ANYWAYS what do you think? Im not making another chapter until I get more than five reviews

Sam


	2. Stomach diving and late night special

Ya know everyone is saying how funny it is, but I don't find it funny at all I actually think my writing sucks but whatever floats your boat

Itachisgirl yes it was your idea I made a joke out of it im sorry but it was great I loved your comment when you suggested it

Everyone else thanks for the review much appreciated!

READ-N-REVIEW 

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"So Deidara how does it feel to be a dad." Kisame smirked sitting next to Deidara at the table.

"I don't know, yeah"

Itachi sat next to Kisame "You're not leaving her are you?"

Deidara looked up and glared "Of course not I love Sakura, and anyways couldn't you just think of all the nasty things she do to me, yeah!"

Everyone nodded even Itachi at times Sakura could even unnerve him.

Kisame smiled thinking of something "Say you accidentally were tripped off a cliff and plummeted to death to NEVER EVER come back and no sequel, would I get first dibs on Sakura?"

Deidara raised an eyebrow "Sure…"

Kisame snickered "I can't wait to tap that…" Kisame say everyone looking at him weirdly "What she'd make a great MILF." **(Mother Id Like to Fuck)**

Just then Sakura walked in and sat beside Deidara who put his arm around her waist.

Itachi looked at Sakura before asking "Can you still have sex when you're pregnant?"

Tobi looked at him "Of course not you can hurt the baby."

Sakura being a medic nin cut in "No actually you can because your pelvis bone are like so close together that it wouldn't hurt the baby, same thing with tampons that's why they don't get lost.

That's why women have contraction before they give birth it's pulling the pelvis bones apart."

**(It's true my mom's a doctor that should answer kakashi-vivi question)**

Itachi stood up and walked away opening his orange book while walking.

Yes Itachi is a pervert he reads Icha Icha more then Kakashi!

Everyone followed after him cause they have nothing better to do really.

They saw Goro sleeping on the couch when Sakura poked him in the cheek he swapped her hand away while saying, "Get our cheese sticks they're the best around."

Sakura and everyone snorted trying not to laugh while Itachi just calmly sat beside Goro still reading.

Sakura closed her left eye while saying in a pirate voice "Aye there's moby dick sleeping on Canada lets get him fast before ey decides to nap on my momma."

Everyone acted like mimes making rope and throwing it on Goro, except for Itachi what a pervert he is.

Out of now were Itachi gets flung onto the floor face first, Itachi looked up glaring at everyone.

Sakura rubbed the back of her head sheepishly "Opps sorry I missed."

Deidara looked around before saying "Hey where's Tobi?"

Just then Aslan **(The big lion from Narnia) **walked in and burped while Tobi's mask flew out of his mouth.

Sakura gasped and opened up Aslan's mouth and crawled inside until she felt something tug on her ankle.

Deidara held her ankle "You pregnant you have to stop stomach diving! Come back here, yeah!"

But reluctantly Sakura got out of his grasp and went into the lion's bell-eh that's were she saw Tobi sitting on a pink little strip of land **(Or insides w.e)**

Sakura sat beside Tobi and hugged him "I missed you damnit if you leave then just think about it, my child will never have a non-perverted uncle!

I mean could you just imagine Kisame changing a diaper or Itachi changing a poor six year old little girl, the poor child would be scard I mean it is Itachi and Kisame we're talking about."

Tobi nodded in understanding I mean would you want a guy that was an addict to porn or a guy that looked like a fish setting an example for your child! The horror.

Just then they heard wood clanking together they turned around and saw Pinokio** (Cant spell but it's the stupid puppet boy) **he waved his hand "Hiya guys you got Aten too!"

Sakura's eye twitched "Go away no one wants you here you're just gonna try to stick your nose in our bum holes while we're sleeping."

Pinokio shook his head "Id never do something like that!"

_Woop! _Pinokio's nose grew giving Sakura an idea.

Sakura whispered something in Tobi's ear Tobi nodded and grabbed Pinkio.

Sakura broke out the candle from Beauty and The Beast and set Pinokio ablaze while he was burning Sakura was laughing like a maniac "Mwhahahahahaha! Rainbow in the dark!"

As Sakura said the rainbow in the dark she pointed her left arm and put it at an angle while using her other hand to grab her crotch.

**(Rainbow in the dark is a really old song and the guy sounds gay when he sings it)**

**Outside of the intestines**

Deidara screeched while Kisame and Goro played video games and Itachi kept reading 'Icha Icha Milk Maids Parade!' **(That's great one day ill make a book called that and its gonna be all about sheep!)**

Deidara pointed at Aslan who was running in a circle chasing his tail "I will get you back Sakura!"

Deidara jumped in and started chasing Aslan from behind who was still running in a circle chasing now Deidara.

Then Aslan stopped and barfed up Tobi and Sakura.

Deidara helped Sakura up and Itachi put down his book a little "Why is it so hot in here?"

"Because im in here." Sakura replied making Goro snort.

Sakura gasped, "Omg I think im tired!"

Deidara sighed, "Sakura you cant go to bed yet the camera's are still rolling."

Sakura shrugged "So it's late! I mean it's late why cant we just hand it over to Itachi?"

Everyone nodded they were all pretty tired Itachi sighed "Fine, but I get the last piece of cake next time."

Everyone nodded and went to bed.

Itachi looked over the mansion making sure no one else was awake when he was sure he went into his room and stripped down and got on a robe.

Itachi turned on the stereo while shaking his ass to the beat

Man eater, make you work hard  
Make you spend hard  
Make you want all, of her love  
She's a man eater  
make you buy cars  
make you cut cards  
make you fall real hard in love

Itachi started shaking his hips while taking off his robe

And when she walks she walks with passion  
when she talks, she talks like she can handle it  
when she asks for something boy she means it  
even if you never ever see it

Itachi dropped the robe only to have his 'itsy bitsy' tucked in between his legs.

**THE REST WAS CUT OUT FOR BEING WAAY TO FREAKY!**

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IM REALLY SORRY FOR THE LAST FREAKY PART

I was watching Silence of The Lambs.

So now REVIEW! Or else no more chapters its true I can deprive you watch me!

Sam


	3. porn and 1percent milk

Thanks for the reviews not many people are reviewing

Why? I don't know but you better review this one cuz I got other stories to need I remind you

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Sakura woke up in middle of the night getting up while still closing her eyes she walked out of her room downs stairs and past the sleeping naked Itachi who had red lipstick and blue eye shadow on.

Sakura not knowing it walked out of the mansion and outside still thinking she was in the hallway to get a glass of water.

She walked right past Kakashi, Sasuke, and Naruto who were looking dumbfounded Sakura the fell face first in the grass and began snoring loudly.

Everyone looked at each other Kakashi shrugged and picked up Sakura heading to Kohana.

When Sakura woke up she was hand cuffed to a cold metal chair opening her eyes she saw Tsunade, Kakashi, Sasuke, and Neji.

"Are we having a block party?"

Tsunade shook her head "Do you see any balloons?"

Sakura looked around and shrugged "I just thought you all were cheap bastards."

Sasuke clenched his jaw "No you're in an interrogation room."

Sakura looked down at her wrist wiggling the handcuffs "Kinky are we?"

Tsunade slammed her fist next to Sakura's yawning head "Where's the base located?"

Sakura shrugged "I hardly remember which broom closet I lock Kisame in."

Sasuke smirked "But you know your way through Deidara's pants."

Sakura nodded thoughtfully "But its better then knowing the way to Naruto and Neji's"

Tsunade slammed her fist next to Sakura's head again breaking a hole through the backside of the chair "How many people work in Akatsuki?"

"About half of them"

Kakashi frowned "That's not what we meant stop trying to be cute."

Sakura looked astonished "Im not trying to be cute im trying to be honest I mean seriously Itachi just sits around reading porn while Goro and Kisame play Hide the Nitroglycerin from Tobi and Leader plays tea party with his care bears."

Neji quirked an eyebrow "The Leader of Akatsuki owns a care bear?"

Sakura nodded "Fifty-two to be exact."

"Having sex with him too, whore?" Sasuke asked trying to make her cry.

But Sakura only shrugged "Nope so far its only Itachi and Deidara."

Sasuke clenched his fist; Sakura never did anything with Itachi though hell he couldn't even stand being in the same universe as Sakura.

Sakura only said it because she knew Sasuke would get angry and Sakura was doing a great job with it.

"Sakura we can kill you now but we don't want to just tell us everything and we'll let you off only with probation."

Sakura thought about it, but even if she did she knew she'd never be able to rat them out I mean even if she did tell them they'd just find out she's pregnant and probably kill the baby.

Sakura shrugged "Then you better just kill me now because im not telling."

Tsunade sighed and rubbed her temples when Neji spoke up "We can't kill her."

Sasuke glanced at him "Don't tell me you feel something for her."  
Neji shook his head "No, she's pregnant."

Everyone looked at Neji shocked he shrugged "Check her if you want to."

Tsunade walked up to the sitting Sakura who was glaring at Neji she concentrated chakra in her hand and placed in on Sakura's stomach.

"Stop it take your hands off." Sakura was thrashing around in the chair trying to get her former sensei's hand off of her stomach.

Kakashi spoke up "So is she?"

Tsunade nodded "Place her in the cell we can't kill her while she's pregnant."

Sasuke and Kakashi nodded and grabbed Sakura amazingly she didn't struggle she let herself be dragged.

Noticing their confused looks Sakura just said "Deidara and Tobi will come looking for me so I guess I got time to spare."

Sasuke and kakashi threw her into the cell Sakura looked around "Could you at least give me something to occupy my time?"

Kakashi pulled out the first Icha Icha volume "Ill come back for it after your done reading it."

"Oh goodie gum drops, if my kid grows up addicted to porn ill fix you."

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow "But im not broken..."

Kakashi then shut up knowing what she meant.** (Fixed like what you get your boy dog so he wont gets other doggies pregnant)**

Once when Kakashi and Sasuke left Sakura sighed and walked over to the barred window.

She quickly took out a nail fial and stabbed the tip of her finger.

Writing down a jutsu the metal rusty bars became ice Sakura quickly punched the bars and jumped out of the window.

Walking down the streets she waved at old friends and older folk.

Once when she got the gates two anbu guards watched as Sakura waved to them and walked out of the gates of Kohana as the guards waved back.

Morons… 

Once when Sakura got back to the base Kisame was playing The Sims trying to have to girl sims have sex while Itachi was reading Icha Icha Milk Maids Parade. Tobi was sowing ripped cloaks while Goro was making his belly button dance.

Just then Deidara walked downstairs only in boxers yawning "Hey Sakura there you are I was wondering where you were, yeah"

Sakura shrugged "You know same old same old."

Sakura walked into the kitchen grabbing the milk carton and walking back into the living room.

"Oh gods don't tell me you'd be one of those pregnant women always complaining about how gat they're getting."

Sakura shook her head "Heck no I think im too skinny."

Deidara raised an eyebrow "You think you're too skinny but your drinking one percent milk, yeah."

Sakura nodded "Of course being such the poet I am."

Itachi butted in "But poets write poems."

Sakura nodded "I know."

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Moron" Goro muttered but Sakura heard "Hey Goro tell your mom to stop wearing different shades of lip stick my penis is starting to look like an f'en care bear collection down there."

Just then Leader came running down with two armfuls of care bears "CARE BEAR COLLECTION WHERE!?"

"Oh gee it just went that a way." Sakura said in a not very convincing voice and pointed towards broom closet.

Leader hurriedly opened up the door and ran inside.

Sakura quickly put the 200,000,000 big screen TV in front of the closet.  
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Its not very funny but that's what you people deserve for not reviewing a lot –nods-

REVIEW OR NO NEXT CHAPTER!

Sam


	4. Poptarts and pot

This story is dedicated to catirveros because I got her/his review late so here is all about pop tarts

-Cough- im holding back on the lemon thing cuz I never did a lemon before and im kinda of um… ya…

Do I have any male reviewers I don't know why but I always think that it's all girls why I don't know

Thanks to all of you that reviewed last time or any other time

**Warning this chapter will NOT make sense**

READ-N-REVIEW

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Five hours later 

Kisame finally got the two girl Sims to have sex and Sakura learned how to use a TOASTER!

Leader was still in the closet; Tobi was trying to get back his Nitroglycerin from Deidara.

Tobi finally got it back and sat with Sakura at the kitchen table "Hey Tobi what's with the nitroglycerin anyways?"

Tobi's eye crinkled to show that he was smiling "Well Sakura-san you see what's really in the nitroglycerin is actually my pot."

Sakura's eyes widened ya sure everyone knows Itachi's on pot because his eyes are always red (Everyone thinks it's the bloodline thing but that's not true everyone knows its that pot), but sweet little 'ol Tobi, no f'en way.

Sakura snickered "You're so cunning Tobi!"

Tobi nodded "Now if you don't mind im gonna go to a local village and get high with a random girl and then have sex!"

Sakura nodded "Git r' done!"

After Tobi left Sakura searched for her pot.

"Aha!"

"What'd ya find, yeah?"

Sakura turned around and hid it behind her back "Nothing."

Deidara gave her a stern look "Sakura, yeah."

Sakura sighed in defeat and showed him her fudge pop tarts.

Deidara gasped and glared at Sakura "How long has this been going on, yeah!"

"About two weeks."

"Two weeks, yeah! You know what that stuff does to your brains, yeah!"

Sakura nodded "Im sorry but I cant help it pop tarts are so GOOD!"

Deidara nodded "Okay but only this one time, yeah."

Sakura squealed "What one Deidara?"

Deidara nodded and Sakura popped in ten pop tarts in the toaster "Why ten, yeah?"

"So we each can have five."

Deidara nodded why have one when you can have five?

Five seconds later 

Kisame and Itachi walked into the kitchen just to see Deidara and Sakura lying on the floor groaning about 'Stomach ache' and all around them were boxes of pop tarts.

Itachi shook his head in pity while Kisame got on his knees and started crying "Why cant you do pot like everyone else! Why why why! Why the pop tarts WHY!"

Sakura and Deidara groaned and rolled on their bellies.

Tobi walked in with a girl that could barely stand hung around his neck. Tobi was in hippie beads and had two cigarettes filled with you know what hanging off of his lips.

Tobi gasped when he saw Sakura and Deidara "Oh no! Why does this always happen to the GOOD PEOPLE!"

Tobi ran away crying leaving the girl to fall face first on the ground she mumbled "Hey look so that's where I left my duck."

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BLAH I don't feel like writing more

Yes the pop tarts was Sakura's pot

I don't do drugs or support them but I do like making fun of them

Sam


	5. lesbians and hippies

I had a great ass idea so im updating again

Kakashi-vivi- glad you like it

**READ-N-REVIEW**

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Deidara and Sakura were currently in the hospital out in mist country for a check up on the baby since Leader said because of too many pop tarts that she wouldn't be in the right state of mind to check on the baby's health.

A woman doctor probably late twenties came out and smiled at the two as she took Deidara's arm and led him down the hallways with Sakura following "Oh hello you must be Sakura how far along are you?"

The doctor wasn't looking at Sakura, but Deidara "Im pregnant not Deidara."

The doctor hurriedly let go of Deidara "oh im so sorry."

The doctor then smiled at the two "I think it's so nice that two woman can get married and not be ashamed to go out in public."

Deidara's eye began to twitch "Im not a woman, yeah!"

The doctor nodded and smiled "Of course not honey."

She led them into a room and began concentrating chakra in her hand and left it on Sakura's stomach checking the baby.

"Well you are pregnant im not sure if it's a boy or girl since you're only about a month along, but so far it seems to be in good health."

Sakura put her shirt back on and left the hospital with a brooding Deidara.

Sakura glanced at Deidara "Oh quit being such a big baby."

"Im not, yeah!"

Sakura sighed, "Even if making me look like a dyke around you I still love you."

Deidara looked at her "Really, yeah?"

Sakura nodded

Deidara smiled at Sakura "I love you too, yeah."

"You better because I heard giving birth is like trying to get a full watermelon in a baby bottle."

"For some reason that sounds painful, yeah."

"Yeah."

Finally back at the base 

"Stop that, yeah!"

"Stop what, yeah?"

"YOU KNOW WHAT, yeah!"

"No I don't, yeah."

"Uh yes you do, yeah."

"Im not doing it you are, yeah."

"No uh, yeah."

"Yes huh, yeah."

Deidara screeched loudly and tugged on his own hair as Sakura resumed her reading.

Ya see Deidara was annoying Sakura so she did the only thing she's good at… no not eating but annoying the shit out of people.

Just the Kisame ran past Sakura with a blonde wig on and took Sakura's book.

Sakura looked at Itachi "Hurry catch him! NO STOP… PUT DOWN THE DOHNUTS… GODDAMNIT!"

Sakura ran after Kisame when he was rounding the bend Sakura did the same thing except she was too impatient to walk the whole way around the wall so she ran into an open door.

Looking around she was in Tobi's room there was a girl in there with him and smoke was everywhere.

Tobi's mask had flowers and hippie signs on it and he was wearing beige baggy pants and a multi colored tie die shirt he was in a meditation position along with the girl.

Tobi quoted "Now feel the peace around us, man.

Feel the love around us, ya that's it this is so groovy isn't it Wild Flower?"

"Oh yes it is Moon Beam."

Tobi cleared his throat "Now Wild Flower we're gonna try something new, we're going to have sex except with our feelings and our tranquility."

Wild Flower started moaning loudly as Tobi groaned.

Sakura pretty much freaked out was walking backwards slowly and cautiously once when she reached the doorframe she dash out and away from the room.

_Note to self-make sure Tobi doesn't take my kid into his room alone._

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ROFL omg I made Tobi a hippie!

That's great BEAT THAT!

REVIEW

Sam


	6. food cravings and the apocolipes

BLAH time skip ya I know im finally updating sorry for the wait but im failing in science, geography, math, and history

And im 'supposedly' an angry child pfft plz I think my therapist is on CRACK! That or pop tarts

Goddess of madhouse- I would write about sporks but sadly I am not a Spork teller I am not good with a Spork story

Itachisgirl- ideas ideas ideas! Where have you been all my life!

Blue-beka-ranger- 1. That is creepy 2. I love you… well not really BUT I LOVE THE IDEAS! Ill use them later though

READ-N-REVIEW

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3 MONTHS INSIDE THE PREGNANCY 

Oh yes Deidara's new life with a pregnant woman was should we say interesting.

She was violent, horny, hungry, and crazy ALL AT ONCE!

Like since she was so horny they'd of course be in bed and doing their thing and out of nowhere Sakura whips out a ham sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes bacon and melted cheese with hot fudge.

The other thing with pregnant women, weird ass cravings, if you thought women ate weird normally pregnant women would make you go to the cushion room!

Witch brings us to poor Itachi he couldn't handle it all Sakura doing is yelling at him then sexing up his pillows he is now crazy, every week they go to the mental ward and visit him bringing him cake and his Christina Agular music witch he seems to enjoy.

Everything was pretty much normal today except for…

"Omega she's having babies!"

"What, yeah!"

"She's having babies what should we do?"

"I don't know I never did this before, yeah!"

"Guys relax it's just a fish once when she's done having them just separate the mother from the babies so she wont eat them."

Deidara and Sakura look at Kisame who was eating a Twinkie.

They nodded and after the mother was done Sakura separated them and took a closer look at the babies.

"Hey the have blue Afros… wait blue afros!" Sakura looked at Kisame "You had sex with my fish!"

Kisame looked surprised "I can't help it she's just so DAMN SEXY!"

Sakura thought about it for a second before questioning, "Wait if you guys did it you must be hung like a newborn."

Kisame rubbed the back of his head nervously "Remember when Mini P's fish tank was filled with what you thought was white clouds."

Sakura nodded "Of course but that's only because my fish smokes… right?"

Kisame coughed awkwardly "Well actually…"

After a couple minutes of silence Deidara and Sakura's face scrunched up in shock and disgust "Eww but she drinks that water, yeah!"

Kisame grinned "I know it turns me on so much just thinking about it!"

Kisame rubbed his nipples and looked over at mini P just to look at the baby Minos, he stopped for a moment and pointed "Hey that one isnt mine!"

Deidara and Sakura looked over at the fish tank to see one brown Mino that's fin was kind of curled.

Both of them looked up to see the fat stalker squirrel chewing on nuts "That whore! That's it I want custody!"

Sakura hit Kisame "Shut up and go harvest your own eggs."

Kisame glared at Sakura "I WILL!"

Kisame went off to the sperm count store while Deidara and Sakura were eating meatloaf with hot fudge, rainbow sprinkles, toast crumbs, and of course pizza rolls with peanut butter.

**(That sounds so gross, but pizza rolls with peanut butter KIND OF sounds good)**

A couple days later the house started smelling, well fishy.

Sakura was walking into a third floors bathroom that was never occupied but well you see she felt adventurous.

When she opened up the door she screeched loudly.

Tobi and Deidara came running and stood behind her "Oh my GOD! IT'S THE APOCOLIPES!"

Inside the bathroom were blue glowing eggs! That had what it looked like deformed cats in the eggs.

Kisame walked in "Hey what are you guys doing in my nesting grounds?"

Sakura and Deidara ran out of the bathroom but was stopped by Goro "There's a meeting in the living room it is important."

Sakura and Deidara went into the living room everyone was there except for Itachi.

**(I stole this part from grandma's boy)**

Leader stood up "Last night I had a dream that I was a snake slithering across the land."  
Leader did the worm on the ground "Then I came across a dead elke and climbed into his soul and stayed there till morning, witch meant I will underestimate someone."

Tobi looked at Leader "Whoa where do you get your weed?"

Leader looked at Tobi seriously "From you Tobi."

Tobi thought for a moment and started laughing "OH yeah hey Leader!"

**(I love that part from grandma's boy anyway im done copy writing)**

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sorry it took forever and I didn't use anyones advice but I WILL IN NEXT CHAPTERS!

Promise I will

Now **REVIEW**

Sam


	7. Getting rid of Emo with ZOMBIES!

I got ideas and im proud of myself

Im not doing personal reviews because im lazy but I will ALWAYS love those who review

THIS CHAPTER WONT MAKE SENSE EITHER!

**READ-N-REVIEW**

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Sakura, Deidara, Tobi, Kisame, and Goro walked the now free Itachi out of the ward and into the streets.

Itachi walked ahead of them and looked at the sky with new hope of being normal as he watched white doves fly overhead.

But one of the dove's strings broke and the fake dove hit Itachi in the eye thus knocking him unconscious.

Not too far away Kankuro was the one controlling the doves but ones string broke and he tried to catch it and plummeted to death landing in an Indian burial ground next to a creepy five year old eyeing Kankuro before saying "Oh geeze not another fat one."

Everyone went over to Itachi watching as he opened only his left eye since his right eye was the one attacked.

Itachi gasped in horror "Eye it's Moby Dick and his sexy hoe The Little Mermaid!"

The mermaid was of course Kisame.

Kisame started crying "You know im a mother now I stopped my ways I just want to be respected!"

Kisame ran away as Itachi hurriedly grabbed a boat and rowed down the dirt path behind Goro and Kisame, Itachi whipped out a harpoon as Goro looked back and yelled to Kisame "He's gonna harpoon our ass!"

Deidara looked at the three wearily "What the hell is Itachi doing, yeah?"

Sakura snickered " I have no fucking clue, but I want in on it!"

Sakura ran towards Itachi's boat as Deidara followed behind.

Tobi was masturbating to a heavyset woman in the tall and fat dressing room.

Sakura accidentally made a wrong turn and was knocked out.

Sakura woke up strapped to a bed with two broken legs looking up she saw SASUKE!

(Plays the emo song in background)

"Sakura my love you must be famished her eat some of my home made jell-o."

Sasuke whipped out green jell-o that wasn't even bouncy it was chunky and watery "Did you make it in the toilet for Christ sakes!"

Sasuke smiled "No actually I made it in the Mississippi River."

Sakura gasped, "You know I despise that river!"

"I know isn't it great?"

"No… Don't you have to go slit your wrist somewhere or something?"

Sasuke chuckled "That's the great thing you see Clay Akin was too much of a pussy to slit his wrist himself so he made an invention that does it for you so you can stalk and torture your ex-girlfriend and be emo!"

Sakura gasped that kind of technology should be band I mean now emos can eat eggs and cut!

THE HORROR!

Sasuke took advantage of her open mouth and put the jell-o in her mouth.

It tasted like her grandma's cat litter, witch isnt good because she has 56732475691230 cats one litter box and she never cleans it because she's blind!

Sakura spit out the Jell-O-o in Sasuke's nose making him fall down in scream it terror because that shit SMELLS!

Sakura got out of bed only to be pinned to the wall with Sasuke nipping at her neck Sakura quickly kicked him gaining some distance saying "Oh no Sasuke in this story YOU don't rape me I rape YOU!"

Sasuke smirked "You can't rape the willing."

"We'll see about THAT!"

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Deidara, Tobi, Pirate Itachi, fatty Goro, and Kisame finally got to the house where Sasuke locked Sakura up in.

Deidara wanted Sakura back so they could of course have sex, before Sakura he had to butt sex a drunk Tobi.

Kisame needed her back because he was bored taping gay porn atleast with Sakura he could give himself a cheap thrill.

Tobi needed Sakura back because, duh she's Sakura and who else will help him shop.

Itachi needed Sakura so he could steal her dresses and dress up in them for his own strange amusement.

Once when they got there they heard a loud pitched girly scream "Oi oh noe Sasuke is bunling yeh Sakura!" Our bad grammered toothless hick Itachi said.

Deidara shook his head "Sakura doesn't scream like a puss-eh, yeah."

Kisame gasped, "We must save Sasuke."

Everyone looked at him "Why would we save him, yeah?"

"Because I mean just think of what Sakura might be doing to the poor little emotional kid!"

Everyone nodded pregnant Sakura only would only get you having strip poker in Washington with a drunk Godzilla.

Everyone raced into the house "Sakura put down the spoon and back away from the unarmed emo, yeah!"

Sasuke was crying and hugging himself as Sakura was pointing a spoon threateningly to Sasuke.

Itachi rowed in on a sailboat "Aye save ye matey!"

But before Sakura could cut off Sasuke's nose or Itachi could save him Kankuro/Zombie ripped off Sasuke's head turning it upside down and drank out of his neck.

Kankuro (Is a zombie) walked away calmly with the head leaving everyone deadpanned "Well that ruins my fun."

Everyone nodded in agreement with Sakura.

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Itachi is a pirate

Kankuro is a zombie

I HAD FUN WRITING THIS CHAPTER!

I thought it was kind of funny but everything I write is never funny I still don't know how you people find amusement in this, my chapters are everything I do in my life… well kind of but same thing!

REVIEW 

Sam


	8. Thanksgiving with DANCE DANCE REVALUTION

THANKSGIVING SPECIAL yes yes I know its past thanksgiving SPARE ME THE KNOWLEDGE!

Im extremely lazy these schools break I just want to play video games and sleep

Can you blame me?

No duh

ENGLISH CLASS IS SUCKING OUT ALL OF MY IMAGINATION

And Science is making me logical Oo it's… how shall I say disturbing.

BUT I ALREADY WROTE AN ENDING but the ending wont come soon I just had SO MUCH FUNNY IDEAS for the ending and ill forget them (Oh no!) and id have to write a less funnier ending so… yeah sorry!

MOVING ON

Yes yes I know I babble ON AND ON AND ON  
Does anyone even read this if you are I apologize if you die from boredom

Hieineko- thanks you and as the greatness Steven Seagull says, "Wow… your really weird." NO J.K thanks for the review glad you like it

Kakashvivi- of course I will its not like I have a life or anything noo lets be selfish and DEPRIVE SAMANTHA OF HER LIFE OF BEINGA LONER! Ahh who am I kidding I don't have a life thanks for the review

Catitveros- thank you I love you too, I will see you at ten at night tonight (Wink, wink) no, jk I love zombies and hate emo's too good thing becuz I was gonna make a kisame/sasuke, no I couldn't do that to poor kisame, thanks for the review

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Everyone was in the kitchen making the Thanksgiving dinner because Leader was such a bad hooker they couldn't afford chiefs** (No offence to hookers im sure you do your job just fine! I do not discriminate against the hookers I am perfectly fine with them!)**

Sakura was walking over to the potatoes when she stubbed her toe on a rug; Sakura grabbed her knee cradling it squeezing her eyes shut.

"I thought you stubbed your toe, yeah."

"I did but im too fat to even look at it."

Its true Sakura was well umm how should we say… EVEN TITANIC IS ENVIOUS OF THAT FAT BITCH!

Rose O'Connell got nothing on this belly, well I should say Sakura's belly because im not the pregnant one here but if I could have sex with Deidara id give up seeing my lower half for a year!

(Hell who wouldn't? Except for guys of course… well some.)

Kisame looked over at Itachi and smirked "Hey Itachi look at this."

Kisame put his whole arm inside the turkeys arse.

"Come on Kisame we're trying to make turkey not fish."

Kisame scowled over in Sakura's direction for making the comment.

"She has a point, ye-"

Deidara's yeah was interrupted because a smack was landed on the back of his head.

Everyone looked questioningly at Sakura "Im trying to get him to stop his bad habits before it consumes him and he says 'yeah' between every breath."

Kisame looked at Sakura questioningly "Sakura it'll never happen."

Sakura gave him a dumb look "yes it will I mean look at you, you ate so much dolphin YOU BECAME ONE!"

Kisame's eye began to twitch as Tobi was putting a couple more Tablespoons of weed in the pumpkin pie crumbling up pop tarts inside the batter also.

Goro was making fudge biscets, disgusting but hell he's fat cant blame him.

Itachi was painting his nales waiting for the stuffing to be done.

(Ya know my teacher yells at me when I describe with the word 'stuff' but some guy makes up a food that is so stupid he calls it 'stuffing' and gets paid a million dollars know what that blows! Should've gotten an A in math class)

Leader was dressing up his care bears to look nice for dinner then setting the table.

(I think im forgetting someone OH WELLZ!)

Sakura sat across from Itachi and ate some Saltine crackers!

Kisame looked at Sakura "Shouldn't you be helping?"

"Im pregnant leave me alone!"

Kisame glared at Sakura "Oh poor you I had to squeeze 56789215280 eggs out of my pee pee hole witch is 10x smaller than your vagina well excuse me!"

Sakura snorted, "Plz we all know its Itachi kid just admit it."

Itachi looked at Kisame "I thought you said you were contrasted** (Probably spelled that wrong sorry) **when we did it."

Kisame shrugged and resumed his work on the turkey.

When dinner came around everyone sat at the table throwing turkey at each other every now and then.

Kisame looked at Tobi "Hey wood pass me the gravy."

"My name isn't wood, its Tobi as in Tobi is a good boy."

Kisame shook his head "Sometimes you worry me kid."

Sakura looked up "Maybe you should use a condom and you wouldn't have to worry."

Deidara snorted trying to contain laughter as Sakura let it all out.

Leader glared at Kisame who stabbed Sakura in the knee with a butter knife and everyone else "Damnit one time of the fucking year cant you children quit being so damn complicated shut up and eat, god fucking damnit you people fucking annoy me. And to think the Akatsuki are suppose to be closer than family, and here you stupid fucking ass holes fucking around with fucking stupid shit.

Might as well turn the Akatsuki into a group of porn stars, then no one would be fucking fighting because you guys would be too fucking busy having sex, damn fucking immature children."

Everyone looked down at the table in shame and sniffled softly.

Sakura spoke up "This calls for… DANCE DANCE REVALUTION!"

Everyone cheered at Sakura's first bright idea and all went to the dance dance machine!

Everyone danced all day until they fell asleep only to have the troll under the bridge to come out and sex up Itachi's leg until it became numb.

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I UNDERSTAND NOT FUNNY

I know its not funny I understand but seriously im tired and I just got back from the dentist, and let me tell you those people arent very enthusiastic, atleast the could do was ACT A LITTLE NICE, I mean come on the just put a new wire on, witch reminds me I HATE BRACES!

I look like a geek; my life is over, no j.k

REVIEW 

Sam


	9. I didnt mean to break your water

Please don't hate me IM SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE IM SO DAMN LAZY!

I havnt died YET! But it's not my fault my parents are sending me away to a mental ward because they and my therapist think that there is something wrong with me I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY!

Im happy I get good grades excluding geography and science

GRRR

Glass-and-Turpitine- I like the username. I know im not right in the head, but GAH your having a baby how cute! Is it a boy or girl how many months are you along! Thank you for the info it's much needed since im too younge to have a baby let alone live by myself Im glad you like the story thank you for the review!

(It just makes me happy knowing a pregnant woman actually likes my story because I know nothing of pregnant woman except weight gain and food cravings)

Akatsuki's Haruno Sakura- To tell the truth I only know of the ones I mention in the story but ill put zetsu and any other akatsuki person you just need to tell me what they're like and stuff ill be glad to add more crack

Firefox- I will not be responsible for medical bills but im glad that my comedy brings you pain

Kakashi-vivi- Sorry that it's late but atleast it came thank you for always being a faithful reader that reviews and that hasn't written yet 'Wow this sucks you should die'

**ONWARD WITH THE POT**

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"**I FUCKING HATE YOU!" **A Very emotional Sakura screamed.

Deidara was huddled up in a corner near tears hugging himself and shaking noncontrolably "N-now, nnnow honey…. I (Gulp) know you d-don't mean… that."

Deidara screamed a high-pitched girly scream and dodged the Christmas tree that came hurdling at his head.

Deidara was facing the wrath of his 8-month pregnant size of the moon wife while everyone else is in the closet hugging eachother praying Godzilla will have mercy.

Sakura then picked up the armchair but quickly set it down and burst into tears "IM UGLY AND FAT!"

Deidara rushed to her side and embraced her "Your not ugly."

She looked up into his face "And im not fat either… right?"

Deidara kept telling himself 'I have the penis I got nothing to fear' "Well your just a little…"

Before Deidara could finish he found himself eating carpet "HOW COME I HAVE TO GET FAT YOUR HAVING THIS BABY TOO! SO WHY CAN'T YOU CARRY THE MINI VAN!"

Sakura then stomped loudly upstairs but not before kicking the closet door and everyone inside screamed loudly.

Leader creaked the closet door opened and looked at Deidara "Holy shit it's like trying to raise fucking Anna Nicole!"

Deidara nodded and silently crept towards his and Sakura's bedroom.

He creaked open the door and watched his beautiful-very- pregnant lover mourn over the small black mini skirt that she cant wear because it was too small and her belly was… well not.

Deidara slowly opened up the door and sat beside Sakura and kissed her on her lips lightly and she kissed back he put his hand on her thigh to see her jeans were soaked "Wow I knew we didn't have sex in sometime, but I never thought you'd be that excited."

"No moron MY WATER JUST BROKE!"

"What! OH NO IM SO SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I SWEAR TO GOOD ILL BE MORE GENTLE, I WILL NEVER BREAK IT AGAIN FORGIVE ME!"

Sakura growled like a tiger "IM HAVING THE BABY!"

Deidara ran to the window and opened it and looked outside looking around franticly "I don't see the stork! Maybe it's in the post office!!"

Sakura sighed in frustration and walked out of the room calmly with a frantic Deidara running behind her.

Deidara was annoying Sakura to no end with him trying to get her to accept his apologies, so finally Sakura turned around and kneed him in the nuts "I forgive you now shut up!"

With that she walked away as Deidara was curled in a ball on the floor cradling his nuts.

Itachi and a very amused Kisame looked down at Deidara "What happened?"

"I accidently broke her water and she sacked me in the nuts, but accepted my apology."

"She had sex with you?"

Kisame greaned from ear to ear "No she kicked him in the nuts!"

Tobi and Sakura were already in the hospital while Leader went to the three rambling idiots.

"What the fuck do you two fucking nut jobs think your fucking doing? My grand-fucking-daughter is in labor and your worrying about your fucking miniture fucking god damn balls, you need to be there at her fucking side helping her through squeezings a fucking head through her pussy.

Now if she had Eskimo pussy it'd be okay not to be there because their pussy is so cold IT'S FUCKING NUMB! That's why it was okay for Eskimo dick to be small.

Now get your fucking Asses over there BEFORE I GOUGE OUT YOUR EYES AND SKULL FUCK YOU!"

Everyone scrambled away and ran the whole way to the hospital.

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BABY PALUZZA!

So I got to add Eskimo pussy and skull fucking that takes talent

Anyways if you want me to add any more akatsuki people I will be happy just tell me what they're like and how they react with out members I will put whoever you want in even if they're slightly gay and looks like Chouji's penis

REVIEW NOW BEFORE I GET THE LEADER TO do some REALLY NASTY STUFF TO YOU!

And believe me it will be creative!

Samantha Lou W.

(God I hate my whole name I think personally it sounds too childish like Cindy lou-who from when the Grinch Stole Christmas)


	10. Does anyone else smell a black baby?

THIS IS **NOT **THE LAST CHAPTER!

Ill still write more im not sure if this should be a second to the last or make more chapters

-Shrugs carelessly-

MY COMMENTS TO REVIEWS

Firefox- ill pay for the bills if you buy yourself metal buttcheeks xD Im sorry im so immature plz forgive me, thanks for the review.

Read-n-Review- YOU ARE IN THIS CHAPTER! I would have made you have a bigger part but I couldn't think of something im sorry. Don't choke!(Sarcasm) No j.k you do know that everything you wrote in your review was NOTHING AT ALL about the story, thanks for the review though it brough me into giggles.

Komouri- It did that to me once, wouldn't let me fucking review it pissed me off I don't blame you I still kick my computer a few times cause it still does it! Glad you like it and thanks for the review.

Foxy demoness- I don't know how I do it im just some magical fucking sex fiend that is so damn creative, thanks for the review.

IRMFS- YES A ONE-WORD ANSWR! AWESOME YOU MADE MY DAY EVERYONE HAS TWENTY WORDS BUT YOU JUST MADE IT ONE AND IM LOOK 'OH SHIT' AND MY MOMS LIKE 'SLAP' cuz I swore but W.E it was easy simple straight to the point totally opposite of me but still fucking great! Thanks for the review.

READ-N-REVIEW

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As soon as everyone ran into the hospital they saw Sakura sitting in a wheelchair face conjured up in immense pain.

All the guys fainted except Deidara who was confused of why they fainted then he looked down and saw a head coming out of his favorite part on Sakura's body.

He pointed a finger at it and glared "Oi who are you get out of there that's mine!"

When they head refused to listen he started talking again but this time to Sakura "What the heck how long has this been going on! I knew you liked midgets more than me!"

Sakura outright glared at him "IT'S THE BABY JACKSS."

Deidara fainted, Read-n-Review was sitting in the corner poking kabuto in the titty with the fork rolled her eyes and said "What a man."

Deidara opened his eyes seeing a plump nurse hovering over him.

"Vou are zee woken up, yez?"

(You are woken up, yes?)

"Where am I, yeah?"

"Vour vife hafed babhe vou look at her woohoo while babhe head comeng out and pazzed outed."

(Your wife had baby you look at her woohoo while the babies head was coming out and passed out)

Deidara looked around before asking, "Why's my arm in a cast, yeah?"

She laughed hole heartily and said in her husky voice "Zee wife iz ztrong crush wrizt and every finger till all dis dizlocated."

(The wife is strong crush wrist and every finger till all is dislocated)

Yep sounds like Sakura, "Where is she, yeah?"

"Acrozz room, go see babhe."

(Across room, go see baby)

Deidara walked into the other hospital room a little wobbly, Sakura was trying to rip off those damn irritating braclets those damned nurses snuck on her wrist with her not noticing.

"Hey."

"I hate you don't ever touch me again you damn dirty bastard."

Deidara smiled brightly "I knew you still loved me, yeah!"

Just then another nurse walked in and smiled "here's your new baby boy."

She handed the baby over to Deidara who looked at the baby in mild confusion.

Sakura's smile faded "What's wrong?"

"Nothing it's just… he's soo… black, yeah."

"What give him to me."

Deidara handed over the baby Sakura looked at the baby oddly "Holy shit my baby has an all year around tan."

The nurse peered over at the baby "Oh woopsies! Wrong baby I forgot you were the twins."

The nurse flaunted out leaving two paled face soon-to-be parents both whispered, "Twins…"

The nurse came back with two babies in a blanket one was red the other pink. "Here are your two baby girls."

The pink one was handed to Deidara and Sakura took the red one.

When the nurse left Deidara sat on the bed beside Sakura's thigh.

"What're we gonna name them, yeah?"

"I don't know about you but I wanna name this one Alessa, I always loved that name."

Deidara nodded and looked at Sakura "Do you think I could name this one Lucrecia, yeah? When I was a kid I met a woman named Lucrecia and she was really nice to me, yeah."

"Yeah right you probably had sex with her you whore."

Both grinned, "Yeah you can call her that since I practicly forced the name Alessa it's only fair you can name that one."

Lucrecia was born first her form was slightly taller then Alessa's, she had some baby fat and her lips were thin her skin resembled a peach and had very faint color strawberry blonde for hair.

(How many people with red or orange hair call their's strawberry blonde ADMIT IT!)

While Alessa was smaller and was skinnier her skin was more of white except for places were they didn't get the blood off. She was bald so far so her hair color was a mystery, when you look at Alessa you know defiantly she'll be a heartthrob.

Deidar and Sakura looked at Lucrecia and Alessa's hand seeing that they inherited their father's bloodline

(For those of you who don't know he has mouths on his hands)

"You know I think I want the black baby back, yeah."

Sakura snorted, "Why would you want someone elses kid instead of ours?"

"Because just think about it, the baby looked like Snoop Dogg's kid you know how sweet it would be if we got to have one of Snoop Dogg's fedice of life, yeah!"

"Please every white girl that lives in the ghetto has Snoop Dogg's kids I mean they could make their own colony for themselves if they wanted to."

Deidara sighed in depression and played with Lucrecia's tiny hands "Crush all of my dreams just like when you put all of my pokemon cards on fire, I almost owned them all too, yeah."

"You know we never really talked about what we're gonna do after they're born, yeah."

"Your right maybe we shouldn't name them."

"Why's that, yeah?"

"Because that's where most parents go wrong they name them and then they get attached!"

"Your right yeah the one in pink can be 'Hey you', yeah."

"And the one in red can be 'Yeah you."

Just then Kisame and the rest of the therapy crew- I mean Akatsuki members burst through the door with a six-pack of Hooter's beer.

(I don't know if they had hooters back then but hell the beer is great)

Leader bent over and grinned at the two kids "Ahh these are the new titty suckers huh?"

The two curious children reach their small hand and grapped a handful of his eyelashes and pulled some of them out.

Leader yeled like a girl and went and sulked in a corner.

Kisame threw a beer towards Deidara who caught it "Girls, eh. Im gonna love being an uncle" Sakura caught the sniggering under his breathe and glared at him.

"Go near them we'll be eating fish eggs for dinner for a year."

Kisame begrudly sat down in a chair and drunk silently his hooters beer.

Tobi sat next to Sakura "Ohh they're so cute just think how fun it'll be when we go to their first lingerie store!"

"Rather not."

Deidara looked at Tobi questioningly "Why would my daughters need lingerie, they'll be wearing granny panties and sports bras along with sweat pants and oversized shirts for the rest of the life, yeah."

Deidara figured this would keep all they male population except himself away from his girls, what a dad he is.

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Im sorry if any of you go offended by the whole 'transvestites that spread aids' but its true I mean one time during history my tteacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up and I go "A fucking transvestite that spreads aids, that and a suicide bomber!"

My mom didn't take that confrence tooo well and she also didn't like paying extra for the therapist but still I love that answer, I got most of my friends but saying that HELL PEOPLE STILL KNOW ME BY THAT

And I said it when I was in 6th grade, im in 8th now (I got held back in kindergarden shut up!)

ANYWAYS

READ-N-REVIEW CAUSE YOUR MOM TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN BEING A TRANSVESTITE THAT SPREAD AIDS!

SAM


	11. Itachi loves my little pony& CHALLENGE!

BLAH I HAVE A CHALLENGE (Read the end passage thingie for more information great now I sound like an operator)

Firefox- Yes because it's always what YOU want you never consider other people do you! Ya thought so! No j.k there will be maybe 3 more chapters left. I mean what more could I write about?

IRMFS- No it's not the end, this isnt either. YOU KNOW WHAT IF YOU WANT MORE CRACK GO SEE MY COUSIN JIMMY DOWN AT THE ALLEY WAY! No j.k but seriously congrats on being in my grade! Do your parents allow you to actually read this crap?

Read-n-Review- you seem like the type to poke medic guy's tits so im like hell with it, would you like a cupcake for your awesome reviews because I can rearrange that! I love pokemon also I just don't like the shows

Kimimaro-is-mine- why thank you! Im glad that my story is going to give you near future kidney problems! It's my joy thanks for the review

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Tobi, Itachi, and Deidara were in the living room, Deidara and Tobi were rocking Alessa and Lucrecia to sleep while Itachi was reading 'Your body and You' the latest from Women's Weekly.

"What's the matter you seemed kind of stressed." Tobi asked thoughtfully, it seems that Tobi's body got used to the constant 'fixes' so he gets high just to be sober.

"Sakura's birthday is coming up and I don't know what to get her, yeah."

Itachi crossed his leg and looked at Deidara "Well I just found this absolutely gorgeous candle setting, get this authentic silk for the cloth and silver metal with real diamond embedding, she will love it like a gay man loves pistachio."

Itachi then grabbed a jar full of pistachio and started eating some when Goro came over and tried getting some Itachi bit his left pinky clear off.

Tobi turned back to Deidara "Marry her."

"WHAT!?"

Good thing Sakura wasn't there she was dragged to the Care Bear Carnival with Leader, as you can see Sakura was probably somewhere trying to kill her self with pink fluff.

"You know, I do and stuff; I heard straight women love that kind of thing; BUT HELL WHAT DO I KNOW IM JUST THE FUCKING ANGRY DRUGGIE!!! ROAR!!!" Tobi flipped over the coffee table and gently laid the baby in the crib and kissed it's forehead and stomped out of the room, not before breaking the mirror over Goro's head.

Deidara thought for a while, it was a good idea but then again…. Is that a thumbelina cupcake!

"Wow your shits weak." Deidara said in a singsong voice while looking at Goro get killed in Resident Evil.

COUPLE HOURS LATER 

Tobi walked into the living room seeing Itachi and Goro "Where's Sakura I thought I saw her just come back"

"She did now her and Deidara shagging senselessly"

Tobi shook his head "What more could those two want more kids?"

Itachi stared at the wall looking dazed "They could want the new pink my little pony with curly blue hair and the 'all my hearts' hairbrush with the dream little pony stable BUT NO DADDY SAYS ONLY FAGS PLAY WITH MY LITTLE PONY!!"

Itachi burst out crying and rolled up the newspaper and hit himself over the head yelling "BAD ITACHI BAD!"

Itachi ran out of the room like a constipated little girl while Goro looked at the door Itachi ran through "Does anyone else smell fucking rotting flesh?"

Frankenstein walked out of the kitchen with a cup of tea and said in an English accent "Sorry I borrowed the tea from Snape bitch jipped me and gave me some fucking pussy ass shit"

Frankenstein threw the cup down and decided to go eat a puppy.

"I feel a nose bleed coming on" Tobi hurriedly rushed out of the room hoping that the nose bleed stuff will throw them off track so him and Harry Pothead could go smoke a joint then buy a could prostitutes to make porno.

(Tobi made sure to be extra careful to make sure the prostitutes would be women this time)

Deidara walked into the bedroom seeing Sakura eating candy from a heart-shaped container.

"Who are they from your boyfriend, yeah?"

"No I bought them myself."

"Yeah right your midget boyfriend probably got them, witch reminds me he might have gotten away last time but next time MARK MY WORDS MIDGET BOWLING FOR ALL! …yeah."

Sakura rolled her eyes while muttering "Idiot…"

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I GOT A CHALLENGE I WANT YOU YES YOU TO PLEASE PLEASE WRITE ANYONE!

**That's writing does not suck donkey!**

**I want someone to write a kimimaro/sakura fic it has to have**

**Sakura getting Raped**

**Lemons (must be detail! im a pervy perv)**

**Violence (Any kind Idk just some sort of violence)**

**Sasuke dying some horrible death!(God knows I hate Sasuke)**

**Must be story not crappy oneshot**

**That's about it really**

If you're taking the challenge tell me plz! And inform me when it's out and blah blah blah!

SO NOW REVIEW CUZ I REFUSE TO UPDATE IF NO REVIEWS

(SOMEONE ALSO PLZ TAKE CHALLENGE)

Sam

Ahh im in a box so cool

------------------------------


	12. This sucks

Im so sorry

But my little brother is a huge baby and because I didn't make him soup (Which he is full capable of making) he told my mother (Who doesn't believe anything I say always taking his side) that I was freaking out and destroying stuff.

Which I didn't

Makes me god damned mad so im not allowed on for a while.

Which sucks dick.

BIG BLACK

Ones

So yeah

Im sorry

Please forgive me

Im going to go now burn my little brother's stuff.

Bye for now

Sam


	13. Fish are so sexy and a new guy?

So I snuck on and updated

So yeah here we go.

**Naruto's girly side- **that's gay I know, im going to like auction my brother off to black guys. Thanks for the review

**Komouri- **I don't think your brother's 'slight autism' I think he's fucking lazy, he needs a job, and to stay off the pot; that's probably what he does all day is harvest pot. I feel bad for you, anyways thanks for the review sorry to hear your older brother's a crack head.

**Artemis- **Lol thanks for the review and the knowledge we share that you hate my brother also.

Catiriveros- I liked your idea, so don't thank me I thank you! Thanks for the review little siblings suck. 

Reviews from chap 12 

**Catiriveros- **hello again! So yes I know good pairing I think Kimimaru-is-mine is doing it, idk don't ask me I know nothing . 

**Sakura uchiha 157- **Really! That's great could you tell me when you post it up?

**Read-n-Review- **You're like a leech, a magical leech that lays millions of babies inside your skin. No j.k good thing it doesn't say to write stories, cuz I would've gotten kicked out for not updating them soon enough. Anyways thanks for the review im looking forward to more.

**Firefox- **YES, no sorry anyways thanks for reviewing and thanks for making such a good story. God your a pervert what's wrong with you telling me about lemons, eww im only like 14 why are you telling me this stuff!! No j.k I do that to my mom when she's saying stuff about CPR she gets mad. Thanks for the review again!

**Artmeis- **Hi, again lol such a perv, no j.k Happy October 5th birthday! And im not a dude but w.e same thing. Thank for the review and your enthusiasm! IT MAKES ME WANT TO RUN A MARATHON, but I wont because im typing, every try to run and type? It's hard it's like chewing gum and walking, I cant do that either.

**Vangoghgirl- **sorry if I spelt it wrong, how doesn't it fit my description? Do I even have one, I don't remember putting up one but w.e anyways Congratulations for your first time reviewing!! I do that to I read a story for a while but review after it's like almost done for no reason. Sorry but the author didn't, the author is a great jerk off she is sorry.

**Penginyasha- **my step dad like every once and a while goes through my things, but he always comes at the bad parts, so he thinks I sit here and read/write porn. Which is so not true . . …Half the time. 8th grade just rocks, I love it, also 7th grade reading was like fun. ANYWAYS thanks for the review glad you like it.

**Kimimaro-is-mine- **I want your babies you made me so damn happy! Tell me when it's like posted up it sounds interesting already! You're killing me! Anyways thanks for the review and the challenge accepting-ish so now im done taking up your time READ! And WRITE THE STORY FOR ME!

READ-N-REVIEW

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Deidara and Sakura sat on the couch watching Finding Nemo with the twins when Kisame came in and yelled "OMG WHAT IS MY SISTER THINKING!"

Everyone looked at the TV to see he was referring to Dori the blue stupid fish.

"Nani making a porno film!"

Deidara and Sakura exchanged looks "What are you talking about it's a kids film."

"Yeah to humans, but to fish it's porno! I mean look at this no clothes!"

"I never saw a fish with clothes before."

"Because we don't wear any that's why we have so many damn fish! You see fish in pond or lakes it's like a small sex session. Fish that live in rivers and other fast moving waters are like jack rabbits I mean... WOAH I once had a girlfriend that came from the Ontario (A Canadian river) and I mean she could go on for days and day's non-stop. But fish that live in the ocean are like a huge orgy!

I knew my sister lived in the ocean but I never thought she'd let people tape her nasties!"

(My math teacher always uses the word 'nasties' to describe it she's so OCD also the only reason im making the fish into sexual beings is because THERE SO MANY OF THEM! They were created somehow.)

"Wow that's more information on fish than I wished I knew, yeah."

"Yeah it's kind of disturbing"

Kisame snorted at the ignorance "Disturbing! I mean have you looked at woman's vagina talk about fucking disgusting."

After Kisame walked out of the room the started to hear a shrill crying coming from the twins "Your turn."

"Damn, yeah"

5 MINUTES LATER 

Deidara came in without a shirt on his shirt was in his hands and as far as anyone could see the huge yellow stain looked like baby puke.

"Sakura I know we're suppose to love the twins, BUT WHY DO THEY MAKE IT SO HARD! Yeah"

Sakura rolled her eyes at his childish antics, sometimes she feels like she's a mother a three.

(That's what my mom says except she says four, because I have two brothers and my step dad is annoying.)

During lunch Sakura ignored Deidara the whole way through, Kisame nudged Deidara and asked "Why's Sakura mad."

"Sakura's mad because she's menstraiting, yeah."

Sakura glared at him and slammed her fork down "NO im not im mad because you never put thought into anything!"

"You asked me to get your jeans from the dryer never said anything about the rest of the clothes, yeah."

"It's called extra effort so it'll give me less to do im like the maid now!"

"Well you told me PESIFICALLY the jeans nothing about the others, yeah."

"Because you don't care enough."

"NO it's completely mental you can't tell me something SPECIFICALLY then think I'll know about the other thing, it's like telling me to grab the dog when it's really a RED SWEATER, yeah!"

"ARRGGH AND YOUR STUPID TOO!"

"No im not im perfectly………………………………………………."

"Well?" Sakura asked impatiently for him to finish.

"Do you smell monkey feisces, yeah?"

"Eww I do someone let Itachi out already."

"Sorry" Kisame quickly put the leash on Itachi and walked him out back.

TIME SKIPPIE

Tobi came down with a doobie hat (It's like one of those hats that are all big on the top) and instead of the usual mask his face was covered in hippie paint!

"Leader has called a meeting in the room next to that one room… maan ya know?"

Everyone looked at him stupid "Yeeeahh"

Deidara pointed a finger at Tobi angrily "That's my words, yeah!"

"Yeaah"

"NO MINE, YEAH!"

"Yeeeaaahh"

"NO, YEAH!"

"Look pick one man either it is or isn't mine."

"It's not okay, yeah!"

"Thanks yeah"

"ARGH"

Yes after that they went to the meeting (Finally).

"Well im pretty sure you're all wondering why we're in here and if you're not SAKURA STOP THINKING ABOUT DEIDARA'S DICK FOR ONCE!"

Everyone turned to look at Sakura, Sakura heard Kisame snicker silently. "I was thinking about how sexy Dori looked in this one position"

Kisame stood up and gasped "Don't you dare!'

Deidara sniggered and said in a sing song voice "Kisame's sister is a slutty slutt slutt slutt, I bet her real in is Penelope Mcslut, yeah!"

Sakura sniggered while joining in "That or Ms. DEEP"(XD Get it! If you don't tell me and I'll tell you next time)

"SHUT THE FUCK UP CHILDREN, GOD DAMNIT, I FEEL SORRY FOR THE TWINS HAVING TO FUCKING LIVE WITH THESE FUCKING MORONS YOU CALL FUCKING S-CLASSED SCARY CRIMINALS WHEN IN REALITY YOU ALL ACT LIKE A BUNCH OF LITTLE BITCHES, god damnit!"

Leader grabbed his yellow carebear and unzipped the zipper on it's back and pulled out a bottle of alcohol that was produced by the approval of Come Come Paradise.

"Now since that took the edge off my brain so I can momentarily forget HOW FUCKING stupid everyone is. Like I was sayings the Akatsuki are everywhere we have little groups in different regions, kind of like the KKK except with better outfits."

Yeah the outfits were pretty sexy, but nothing is sexier then guys in white gowns.

"Did you know that the KKK started in the Midwest were like no black people were at all, yeah"

"That's not true Kisame's sister brung her boyfriend there on vacation I heard" Sakura and Deidara snickered watching Kisame turn from blue to red really fast.

Goro looked up quickly "Does anyone smell smoked salmon?"

(If you don't get it it's because Kisame is mad and he's a damn fish.)

"ANY-FUCKING-WAY!"

Leader cut in wanting to hear more about Kisame's sister because she sounds pretty hot, but he really needs to get this damn meeting over with he had a tea party scheduled at 2 SHARP!

And Rainbow Bear won't give him goodies if he's late.

"So anyways there is more lairs than one with Akatsuki members and it seems my cousin or Sakura's uncle twice removed cousin's uncle's daughter sister's friend runs the lair out in Mist and one of his members would be a lot of help out around here, since Sakura can't do much because she's still a bit fat."

"NO IM NOT!"

She has become less fat but no one can say that because she'll get all mean and whiney complaining about stretch marks and BLAH BLAH BLAH and some people aren't high enough to listen to that.

"His name is Hidan." Leader took a picture out of him to show everyone.

"Did anyone else have an instant orgasm?"

Deidara turned his head away angrily hearing Sakura's comment "He looks like girl if you ask me, yeah!"

Sakura scoffed "No you look like a girl."

Deidara crossed his arms angrily.

Leader spoke up after a while "He will have the room right next to Sakura's and Deidara's and Sakura can you show him around?"

Sakura smiled happily "Of course!"

Deidara had a bad feeling about this….

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SO I HURRIDLY SNUCK ON AND UPDATED . 

. 

Sooo REVIEW OR ILL PUNCH YOUR GRANDMA AND SELL YOUR DAD ON THE BLACK MARKET!

Just like what I did to Anna Nicole (No j.k)

Sam


	14. The meeting of Hidan and sad groovy past

I haven't updates in a while, because

I just got my bottom braces and talk about HURTING LIKE A BITCH

I got detention for 3 days for hitting on my teacher xD, he's pretty sexy

I got my tongue pierced! It didn't hurt but I just like showing everyone

I'm lazy so LEAVE ME ALONE!

So there are all my excuses and I plan to use every single one of them.

Also if you ever e-mailed me but never got a reply please resend it, I never knew you could get them, silly me…

REVIEW TIME! (Because Blue Clues took mail time, those bastards.)

Read-n-review- YEAH OKAY HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN RAMMED FROM BEHIND! YEAH THOUGHT SO WHORE. And that is how I'd respond. But you'd know that wouldn't you! Yeah asking me to stuff objects up your anus… gosh quit hitting on me! Yeah… that's what I always do at lunch except for today cause my one friend brough a pad so I was sticking it to people's back and I stuck it on one of the couches, he didn't notice so the whole lunch period it was on his back. Then my friend gave me a tampon and I was sticking it up my nose then I dipped it in salsa ya know the red colored flavoring crap, and it looked like blood my one teacher caught me and said "Sam throw that away now!" And I said "I cant im trying to figure out where it goes, GOD WHY DOES THE HUMAN BODY HAVE TO HAVE SO MANY HOLES!"… Seriously it's annoying. You'd know all about that wouldn't you? Of course you do, well I always look forward to your reviews… sometimes. I want to put that in my profile ya know? Just in big letters "READ-N-REVIEW QUIT HITTING ON ME NO I WILL NOT FONDLE YOU!" Maybe it only workings on science teachers. I don't know… 

**Tri17- **I DON'T HAVE TO SNEAK ANYMORE! But I cant get on much cause I got anger management and behavior mod, I get to sit by this 35 yr old druggie, GOD I LOVE HIM! We're bffffffffff's im the only 14 yr old and girl, room full of hot drug-addicted 20 and older guys just the way I like it! Lol no… but everyone knows you do. Yeah so review again cause ya know, why not?

**Blue-baka-ranger- **Look I wont make out with you …. All right just let me finish my fruit rollups. Lol no, I don't think my story is very funny I think its crappy the only part I liked is that Tobi is a hippie, but we don't see a lot of Tobi anymore \ he's getting' ass… unlike us… hey want to come over!

**Artemis 85- **Join the club of assholes dads \, ya know? So I'm getting less and less clients everyday, maybe its becuz I raised the price to 5cents? Gosh cheap bastards I walk around all day in those big heals and tube tops and what do I get? I tell ya, teeth. God it's so hard to be a dentist these days. So review, or else… something bad will happen which is a bad bad not the bad but a bad bad not a good bad bad a BAD BAD BAD! Ya know, and that's bad.

**Xxkimmimaro's-littler-stalker…- **Wow… your putting thought into this. I don't put thought into mine as you can see I just slap witty shit down. Well a friend of mine is taking a different challenge of mine, and she didn't know where to start so she asked me for plots. And if you need help on anything you can IM me on AIM at XAXLoadedXGunX I know morbid but I made it in 6th grade, didn't have the heart to change it. Or you can e-mail me from going onto my profile and clicking 'send message', but the only real way to get a hold of me is on AIM. So remember im always the helpful guide if you need it. Review and good luck on your story!

**Narutos girly side- **Lol the joys of being high… WAIT WHAT WHAT ARE YOU TALIKING ABOUT!!! I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU! . God your perverse is getting wet and bothered! Lol, no j.k. Anyways thanks for the review you should do it again sometime… sexy pants… yeah you sexier without the pants.

…**- **God these names get more creative each second! …. Either way no black people are in south whatever you just said! I'm lazy I don't feel like writing. Ya know? The k is still a group just new people, oh joyous. No not joyous! QUIT HITTING ON ME! Lol, sorry I'm being… Sam today ya know? Glad I could make your body parts fall off though? Anyways thanks for the review, GOD I NEED SOME MORPHINE!

**XxDeidara's-little-stalker…- **HA THAT WAS THE LONGEST REVIEW EVER! GOD YOU SUCK, no j.k I just like saying suck, suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck suck SUCK IT BABY! ARE YOU HITTING ON ME! Sorry, I get excited when you look at me through my window! Weirdo… im sorry I'll shut up now… I think I took too much morphine…

**Wishingdragon- **I know I know since you love me you want me to give you head too right? WELL GUESS WHAT… holds on one minute I want a diet Dr. Pepper. Mmm take some Valium baby… god you're a druggie… How can you love this story? I think its crappy and I should get punched in the face for it being so crappy. I havnt read many good ones either which is making fanfic. Boring… glad I can distribute drugs out across the world though!

**6 eternal 6 darkness 6- ** you know if you hate it so much you can just tell me it to my face rather than lying to me! GOD YOUR PROBABLY ONLY IN IT FOR THE SEX! Admit it… whore… dirty dirty whore… hey I like your shirt! But it'd look better on my floor! HEY ARE YOU HITTING ON ME ETERNAL DARKNESS! Lol, god im so stupid. Anyways thanks for the review

**Animelover44- **have you ever wanted to not type? Welcome to my world… just want to punch myself in the face. Ya know? I don't think my story is that funny, pretty crappy if you ask me, ya know? Anyways as much as I like staring at the computer screen after every other 10 words I'll wrap this up, I love ya babe but I must go and write this story!

**Hearten Depression- **Yeah I love ya two, is the bunny here because you want a threesome? Well I never thought your door swung that way, HELL I NEVER KNEW YOU'D OPEN UP MY DOOR! Lol, god you're a lezie wezie. Lol I know im pretty gay, but anyways thanks for the review… I'll see you and Mr. Fluffy tonight.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- I didn't feel like writing down your name so I copy and pasted it from your pro… I know im cheap deal with it. I don't know what to feel about my grandma ya know? She's just there I guess. \ Get busy? ARE YOU HITTING ON ME! Gosh I said that too many times today… I don't know 'bout that one… but we'll see. Damn perv hitting on me… Then you tell me what to do then practically apologize geez you must really want a discount! Lol, no j.k anyways I'll wrap this up all in one word… NO… I'm pretty good huh? In my own little world- I know, I hear the ice-cream man! I SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM FOR MORPHINE!!! God I hate my little brother, it annoys me so bad that he wears my shoes, god the kid thinks he doesn't have his own; fucking hate him. Anyways thanks for the review I look forward to hear what you have to say. 

BLAH NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE SHOW KIDDIES!

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Deidara sat on top of the steps pouting, Sakura was running around trying to make everything perfect for 'Mr. Suck it I'm gay...Deidara gave Hidan a nickname, a very bad and not funny nickname but a nickname.

(I wish I had a nickname like that ( )

Deidara knew Hidan from his childhood, and well lets just say if they only had 5 minutes to live they would not be butt buddies!

_Flashback to Deidara's grooooooovy childhood maaan:_

_Cute little 4 yr old Deidara was running through a maze of sunflowers (awww, I just want to become a pedo) when he met this kid about a year older then him with shaggy silver hair and (I'm not sure) black eyes._

_Deidara shook his hand and smiled "Hi I'm Deidara, yeah!"_

_  
The kid (hidan) put a sneer on his face "I'm Hidan, and you don't look like a Deidara, you look like an idiot."_

_Deidara dropped his little hand and frowned and stumbled slightly when Hidan pushed past him and walked away._

_  
Deidara's eyes filled with tears and he cried making the author cry because she pictures Deidara as a cute little innocent 4 year old!!!_

_Ending of the depressing little not-so-groovy-now childhood._

Deidara turned his head more and grunted in displeasure, he really hated that meanie old haired ugly duck Hidan!!

(Wow deidara SUCKS at name-calling)

"He's here!"

Sakura stood in front of the door smiling while opening it; she took his bags and dropped them on Kisame making him fall over.

"Hello I'm Sakura." Sakura said still smiling, holding out her hand.

Hidan smirked sexily and took Sakura's hand and brushed his pale lips across the back of her palm making Sakura feel a little light-headed.

"Hello, beautiful I'm Hidan."

(Just a little post it, ITS NOT TURNING INTO A HIDAN/SAKURA just so you know but we need some conflict in this bitch.)

Deidara glared _'Does anyone else just want to break out the lawsuit stick and swing it madly in the guy's face!"_

Hidan looked up and smirked at Deidara "Well if it isn't Miss Daisy."

Deidara glared at Hidan and said, "Well if it isn't the gay hooker bag from down the street."

Hidan said calmly "You look like an idiot."

Deidara's eyes watered and he grabbed Hidan by the neck and lifted him off the ground.

Sakura glared at Deidara "Deidara put him down!"

Deidara looked at Hidan "You are a huge moron."

"I MEANT ON THE GROUND!" Sakura screamed.

Itachi shook his head from his place on the couch and turned another page On 'Come Come paradise baby GOT BACK!' while saying "Joyous…"

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Yes I know finally, shut up!

REVIEW CAUSE IM NOT CHEAP I ONLY COST 5CENTS SO EMBRACE IT DON'T HATE IT!

Too much morphine maybe I should start taking Prozac?

Muscular Sam!


	15. get drunk get high pulled down my pants

So,

Yeah this is for all my stories I just got out of Juvy, if your wondering, yes I did get sent there from fighting. Beat this girl's ass who she thinks she is who knows but she's ugly anyway, well if she wasn't before now she is!

I will start updating the comp in my room is getting set up, noice and if anyone would like to talk to me before hand.

My Aim or AOL sn is XAXLoadedXGunX

I miss juvy already, all my friends are there [ what a woe life it is to be outside those bars.

She's tired and bored she wishes you were gone,

Sam


	16. Where'd Marilyn Manson go?

So I actually updated my kabusaku story now this one

So I actually updated my kabusaku story now this one.

It doesn't seem like much but I typed the original chap on a diff. comp and then I had to rewrite it by hand and then re-type it on this comp. my hand feels like shit.

Now time for reviews-

**Vaneles**- Well one thing I can say for sure my shit never makes senses thanks for the review

**Dei-chan373960**- Sorry for the wait but yeah login on fanfic so I can click on your name and read your story love to read thanks for the review

**Itachilover001**-Sorry but I'm sure your well past crying by now thanks for the review

**The-x-Mad-x-Hatress- **I wouldn't recommend licking it cuz I'm not even positively sure I know where its been but thanks for the review

**Dovesary- That's** sad I would hate the story too but when I am on crack I just write so we both got something out of it thanks for the review

**Akito Udahare- Thanks** dude but it makes me sound masculine what's the point of having boobies now a days thanks for the review

**Meowx1x-**thanks for the review glad someone likes it

**Crazy Neko Girl-**Hahaha everyone's been saying in the reviews update soon and like half of a yr later TADA I actually do it sorry for the wait but thanks for the review

**The Sand Demon's Fire Demon-**Sorry for yr wait but I got it I'm moving on up thanks for the review

**Itachi's demon mistress-** I feel sexually violated I'm not sure if I should start wearing a bra around my house from now on or what, but thanks for the review glad you enjoy

**Naruto's girly side-** Woo me and you are in the same boat I got a vag u got one I'm fucking a redneck your fucking a guy with a dick its nice how these things work out and we both would rather fuck in person Hahaha thanks for the review

**Crimson.Kaze-** You hate me by now I know it and I am truly sorry but I love your review so thank you

**Heartened Depression- **How bout since its been a long while since I updated I had no clue what you were talking about so I had to look back and I'm like "oh god how could I forget we did the London bridge at my house on my floor and then we touched under my bed and like that thing happened" yeah that was very nice Hahaha thanks for the review

**Artemis 85- **Mmm the burn warmed up a homeless man in my bed he LOVED it thank you for the fire and the review

**Hippop…- **Hahaha thanks for review sorry for being late

**Blue-baka-ranger- **Hahaha omg I'm so writing that in the next chapter just cuz I like it messy thanks for the review

**Read-n-review- **I had to read it over like 10 times and I still don't know something about I'm pretty sure I saw the word monstrous dildo a Mexican stuck it in something like that and a its what you do but I don't know I haven't had coffee since 9 50pm and its 10 18pm now so maybe its just me but that's how I read it but thanks for the review I think you liked the chapter

**Wishingdragon- **I bet your going through serious withdrawal by now but ill get your ass back hooked up just like the rednecks and weed they cant get enough of it it got their 2 best things in it 1. They can farm 2. It eats up their time what more could u want? Thanks for your review

**in my own little world- **I did forget sorry and u just reminded me for this one too THANK YOU!!

Argh I'm getting coffee after this break line

--

Deidara was sad. Not even sad, but well… yeah he was sad.

Sakura was out with freakin' Hidan, while he was wooing her; and from his point of view she didn't seem to mind.

And Deidara was quite mad, Alessa just had her first fit; she threw her teddy weddy to the whole other side of the crib.

Okay so it was her first word or step, but it's something new!

And Lucrecia some 90 year old woman almost jacked her, not like Deidara would tell Sakura anyways, but still!!

Deidara huffed madly, it's not fair he was supposed to be the reckless one, but no Sakura doesn't read any fan fictions with them, gosh!"

He was so mad, he was even thinking about calling her a….

Jerk.

He knows its wrong, but he's mad and GOLLY GEE WIZ she deserves to be called a jerk!

Kisame thinking it might not be good to stay in the house made Deidara go to the park and bring the kiddos.

"You know I mean who he thinks he is, first he stole my big swirl lollipop and then he's trying to steal my WIFE; the bastard what I wouldn't give…"

"Girls taste like girls and boys taste like boys"

Deidara looked at Marilyn Manson "Whhatt?"

Manson shrugged "Zsa Zsa Zum tried stealing my hello-kitty purse again, he still has nightmares about The Dope Show."

"Why didn't you just say Swiper no swiping?"

Manson drank some beer and itched his nuts "He's a mute for Christ's sakes not a fox."

"I always thought he was a weasel." both shrugged and thought about it for a minute.

"No Alessa DON'T!"

Manson burped and got up to leave thinking what to name his new album when he stopped mid-step and saw a stripper.

Deidara was holding Alessa upside down shaking her; she was eating sand… again.

Inside a porta-potty everyone heard screaming "Oh baby, Eat me Drink me!!"

--

AHH I liked it

_**IF U REVIEW AND I GETS LOTS I WILL UPDATE MUCH SOONER!! PROMISE!!**_

Mmm taste the profanity,

Sam


	17. what a creeper, yeah?

I've been a long time gone, I blame the parties.

But I figured I got some time so I'll work on it.

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"Shhhh, shut up you idiot, yeah!"

"I can't help it there's a freaking stick making its way to my bladder"

"Well you wanted to come, I didn't make you! yeah"

"Are you kidding me I'd love to watch Hidan ruin your life by giving Sakura pleasure.'

_**CRACK**_

_**CRACK**_

**THUNK**

**Please those idiots I swear, Deidara and Kisame are trying to spy on me. **

**I still haven't figured out why people are afraid of those R tards. I know a five year old that could've spotted them out on that tree, even before the fell off.**

**At this time Hidan and I are taking a very nice walk in a civilian town, down a brick pathway in a nice park in the woods.**

**He makes me feel pretty, which is nice after being fat for months on end.**

**We stood on top of a hill, the sun was setting as we sat on the park bench under a very pretty tree that flourished with purple blossoms.**

**That's when that weirdo grabbed my hand and said "Sakura, my love lets run away together. Get a cabin in the woods, away from the world just you and me no one else."**

"**Uhhhh no?" What the hell do you say to that? Freakin' creeper I swear.**

**He looked ready to cry, "But I thought you loved me! Didn't all this time together mean something to you?"**

"**Yeah you know what, it did and I will run away with you."**

**We hugged and held hands, looked at each other lovingly as the stars illuminated around us.**

**I frowned and unclasped our hands "I forgot! I got you a surprise, let me go get it real quick. But you have to close your eyes and promise not to move till I come back."**

**He promised, closed his eyes a smile never leaving his face.**

**-----**

"**I'm home!!" I walked into the bases living room throwing my shoes at sleeping Itachi who was having Moby Dick dreams again, figures.**

**I sat down and laid my head back relishing the feeling of finally being able to rest, running through the woods was tiring.**

**All the members crowded around me like kids on the rug ready for story time "What happened?"**

"**That freak wanted to run away."**

**After a mouthful of carrots were swallowed Tobi asked "And what'd you, like… say man?"**

**I grinned in satisfaction "I like totally… ditched him man."**

**We all burst out laughing like the good old days, ya' know before Reagan killed the hippies and Bush ruined America.**

**Deidara came and sat beside me and put his arm behind my head "Good to have you back, yeah."**

"**Good to be back… good to be back."**

**And with a smile I know the world would never run out of pot and no one in the Akatsuki will get mental help… and I pretty okey dokey 'bout that.**

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**One more chapter left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**So review as if it'll b your last**

**Till the next bar fight,**

**Sam**


	18. end of LSD fatti stripper folds n sticks

Sooo last chapter of my sequel to Strange Love Makes Me Itchy…. It's a beautiful day

Jst got back from selling weed it rlly is a beautiful day

I would like to thank all of you reviewers and readers.

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"Well, I guess this is it. I have an important announcement." Leader breathed in deep watching as for once the Akatsuki members actually shut the hell up and listen to him.

"The Akatsuki are being shut down for health reasons…" at this they all turned and stared at Kisame who threw his hands up angrily in the air "God you make one porno with a cherry pie in the kitchen and the whole world stops!"

"You mean this cherry pie 'cause it's sensuous!" Everyone looked at Tobi weirdly "Cause he jazzed on it, yeah."

Sakura just shook her head "Munchies are more powerful than any gage reflex can ever imagine."

And with that Leader went to pack up his care bear collection and Itachi his dresses.

After Kisame rounded up his eggs and Toby his hookahs, pipes, parashoot, and bongs they left with quick goodbyes not liking to stick around and make things more difficult.

Itachi dragged a crying whining Leader out of base last as Sakura and Deidara decided to stick around little longer, they fulfilled one goal that day though; fucking in every room of the base.

The base was turned into a whore house and was ran by Dolly Parton who ran the best little whore house in Texas.

Other than that though, the members went on separate parts of their lives after a couple of years.

Kisame was traveling through the mountains looking for some goats so he could tape it, he owned the porn company 'Fucking different species.' Which might I add could give Jairya a run for his money.

But instead of finding a goat he met up with his old friend Jenny Craig, she was on an eating binge, Kisame was about as big as her left lower calf. Well on one cold night in a cave they were caught in a snow storm, as Kisame was huddled up next to her he found the joy of fold fucking. He found true happiness in between those folds of extra skin and fat. Jenny was just happy that he put a box of doughnuts on her cheek every day so she can lick them up.

Toby moved from pot up to LSD(acid), he tie-dyed carriages and painted horses, started a band and traveled around. Even started a new village The Village Hidden In Flowers, but it wasn't a ninja village but, a peaceful one where traitors, shinobi's and villagers can come and… relax. Thus Toby created the first druggie village and started growing shrooms. Not too long after he started making the first drug routes. He never married because marriage was what the man brought to put the people down. But he did have many 'soul mates' that meaning various woman he had sex with and had his baby.

But the village got over populated so instead they just started hanging out with the monkeys in any forest, you can't go anywhere without seeing some naked person skipping around on treetops with paint on their body and a doobie in their hand.

Itachi become a stripper out in the village of mist. He became known as 'Cherry Pie' and one day when he was just done spinning on the pole to his theme song

"She's my cherry pie cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise tastes so good makes a grown man cry, sweet cherry pie yeah!"

When he got back stage black halter top still in hand and unbuttoned cut off jean booty shorts Orchimaru was standing there. That is the day Itachi found himself a sugar daddy and never had to work on the pole again… well not in public anyways just at Sound base.

Leader started his first charity to help the poor abandoned and hurt Care Bears of the nation. His organization saves 3 sunshine bears, 2 rainbow bears, 1 gloomy bear and, 7 amigo bears a day. He even opened an adoption center… but it didn't stand too long 'cause whenever someone would come in wanting to buy one Leader would usually fight a five year old over it. He never wanted to give them away so instead he kept them all but, when his place got too small he went into the rainbow in the sky with the care bears and lived there.

He spends his time with Cheer Bear helping fight off the space bubbles and their nasty plots.

Goro spends his time on his back in the water eating hot wings off his stomach and scares the kids away from the deep side.

Hidan opened a doll shop but, was caught helping a girl 'put on a doll dress' so that went down hill for him, he ended up marrying Big Black Bubba in jail and gets manhandled by the end of a broom stick.

As for Sakura and Deidara it's pretty much the same thing, right now they're living in a hick town in Billy Bob Thornton's barn 'cause Sakura refuses to give Aslan and Jesus back their sticks thus their in hiding. Though their thinking about maybe going to Konoha again, even though they most likely will not be accept; fuck it they're going one day.

And as I watched Deidara and Sakura play with their kids I get the warmest feeling in my heart that maybe there still is hope, "Do you hear something, yeah?"

"Yeah I do, who is that girl behind the cow and what is she writing down?"Well this the end I got to go, farewell and so long!

Remember to take care of yourself and your loved ones

So long and goodbye.

"She's running! Get the stick, yeah!"

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**READ-N-REVIEW AS IF IT'S YOUR LAST CHANCE, well it is but STILL DO ITT**

**Felt the power of the stick,**

**Sam**


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